Coffee with girlfriends, and the conversation turns to Bridges of Brokeback County and alternative lifestyles. Through free-association, two of us get on the topic of ob-gyns and their nurses, and how none of them believe you if you tell them you aren't sleeping around. In my single days, the docs were always pushing the pill and HIV tests, and would look at you with a knowing look of pity when you said, "No thanks, not necessary." Ditto post-partum visits. You just had a baby and don't want the pill? What region of backwoods Appalachia do you come from, Ma'am, and which of your brothers or cousins fathered your child?
You get over it, or if you're lucky you find a sympathetic doctor, but there is something deeply offensive about being accused of behavior you consider immoral in an environment in which you're so vulnerable. Doctors seem to be trained to believe continence is impossible and women claiming that particular virtue to be in such deep denial that they don't know they're sexually active. Anyway, since it's the season of the Virgin Birth, here's pretty much the crowning example of this phenomenon.
One of the goyls at the coffee has never married and has remained celibate her entire life. 40 year old virgin? It's not just a raunchy movie, it's a lifestyle. So she's entering the age of scary symptoms, goes in for a check-up and has some bloodwork done. The nurse calls with the results:
Nurse (Cautiously but professionally cheerful): "Were you trying to conceive?"
"No."
"Well, you're six weeks pregnant."
The nurse would not take "that's impossible" for an answer. So friend eventually gives up trying to convince her, saying, "I'll discuss it with the doctor. But I'd hoped when I finally had sex it would be a bit more memorable."
