Matt Labash Is My Best Friend Today

I so look forward to his hilarious Weekly Standard features, and The Adventures of Low Impact Man doesn't disappoint. He took the HuffPo challenge to lower his carbon footprint to zero for a week. Amusing adventures ensue, including a 5 am bike ride to the commuter bus stop in which he pops his chain twice switching gears he can't see.
The Park'n'Ride is behind Safeway, so I go into the supermarket bathroom, wash the grease off my hands, and try to make myself presentable. Wearing a ski hat and thermal jacket, the brightest yellow one I have in the interest of not getting plowed into by commuters, I'm drenched with sweat even in the 39-degree early morning air. With my ineffectual Tom's of Maine honeysuckle-rose eco-deodorant--not my usual "Cool Wave" triple-protection Gillette--I smell like a whiff of Febreze spritzed over the crowd at a Phish concert.