What Battleship Hath Wrought

I believe the world is missing out on the minor genius/ idiot savant that is The Official Cartoonist of Wheat & Weeds.   Turns out he has a secret talent.

I take pride in having called forth this skill with a single tweet observing that if "Battleship" -- the world's simplest and most boring game-- could be made into a movie, I looked forward to the forthcoming Rock, Paper, Scissors trilogy.

That led ninme to tweet me this:

Shamelessly pinched from here. 

Which is funny, but an image is easy. The real challenge lies in coming up with a plot. Between us, ninme & I challenged The Cartoonist to divine the plots of common childhood games. Were you following the three of us on twitter, you would have seen the following. I think you will agree his ability to think like Hollywood is a little frightening.

• Rock, Paper Scissors: Rock, Paper, and Scissors overcome differences, unite to save a small town from fracking. Learn about tolerance & ecology.

The Cartoonist then challenged me to pitch him the Lite Brite movie. I thought I was doing well with the idea of a future governed by apes because human IQs have been lowered by mercury poisoning from the ecological bulbs that were supposed to save mankind. Man now fears both light and reason. Can monks who have hoarded incandescent bulbs for centuries bring man back to the light?

But of course that movie would not get made, so I was chided: 

• Lite Brite: correct answer-Preacher's war on color for making son gay is challenged by punk LiteBrite artist who is dating his daughter.
• Tic Tac Toe: Teens discover ancient Chinese puzzle of x's and o's opens gate to other dimension where game is a matter of life and death.
• Sudoku? SmallTown editor believes he can save NY paper with logic puzzle but snooty crossword culture resists change. Based on true story.

Then over to me again with his challenge: Indian Burn. I thought it was:  A heart-warming after-school special about a kid who uses "Indian giver" as an epithet learning to respect Native Americans. But no:

• IndianBurn: Oooo so close-Julia defies mother and all social convention when she breaks into the all male world of competitive Indianburns.

I had to bow to the superior skill of the master.

Then nin got into the action, issuing the ultimate #gametomovie challenge: Red Rover, Marco Polo, Cat's Cradle. Results:

• Red Rover: CIA recuits RedRover champ to break dissident out of China. FoxNews mole leaks rescue to embarrass president.
• Cat's Cradle: (this was too easy, plus stolen from Cat Stevens, so dq) Son wants to be like his dad. Dad has no time for son. Son grows up like dad. Family Drama. Alternate plot: String executive learns his Co.'s low quality string is leaving children fingerless.Risks reputation to turn States evidence.
• Marco Polo: Blind forensic psychologist gets into the head of serial killer provoking him to reveal his location w/ sound.

Isn't that uncanny?  All rights reserved! We'll let you know if any of the scripts are optioned.

P.S. Tweet further entries using #gametomovie.