My Righteousness Made Official

Because I have contact with children in my parish (I teach CCD), I had to attend a seminar in how not to abuse children and submit to fingerprinting and a criminal background check, the results of which are finally in. You will be pleased to know I have been found by the FBI to have no convictions, probations before judgment or pending charges for a list of 41 alphabetically-ordered felonies, ranging from Abduction to Weapons violations.

I'm especially grateful to have been cleared on item #21:

Keeping a disorderly house or maintaining a nuisance.

So none of the witnesses has seen my kids' rooms. Excellent.